Friday, July 27, 2007

"Your blog is locked"

Yesterday, I got myself in a blogging mood and I was all set to write some fiery-yet-droll prose, when what should befall me but being tarred by Blogger's nuttiness.

Blogger's spam-prevention robots have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog. Since you're an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive.

You won't be able to publish posts to your blog until one of our humans reviews it and verifies that it is not a spam blog. Please fill out the form below to get a review. We'll take a look at your blog and unlock it in less than two business days.

If we don't hear from you, though, we will remove your blog from Blog*Spot within a few weeks.

Holy schnike! If I'd gone on vacation or into the hospital, or just got too busy to post, they'd delete my entire blog?

Blogger explains that spam blogs contain strings of random text and a crapload of links that all go to the same site. O-o-o-kay. Not seeing how my blog looks like that. My last few posts had some links, but they didn't all go to the same place.

Here's my favorite part: The part where Blogger says "until one of our humans reviews it." Doesn't that sound like a fun place to work? Wal-Mart has "associates" and Disney World has "cast members." This is the first time I've seen employees referred to as "our humans."

It is a comfort to know that decisions on my blog are not being delegated to lemurs, I suppose. Or bears. An angry bear might remove blogs out of spite, you know? And the computers, well, we all saw what HAL did in 2001: A Space Odyssey. What if Blogger outsourced to earthworms? How would they work their keyboards and see their monitors, being eyeless and limbless?

If you could have some employees working for you at home, what species would they be?


Belle said...

I'd have my dogs around: they're semi obedient, unfailingly happy to see me, eager to please and accept milk bones as bonuses.

Cats would be less helpful; they are demanding, work on their own schedule, provide little feedback... on the plus side, they do believe in frequent naps.

Jay said...

My daughter had lice last spring. What I really wanted were some of those monkeys that carefully groom each other's hair.

For everyday chores, I'd take a llama. I figure she could pack the laundry up the stairs and the garbage out to the curb, right?

E. said...

If I had employees, and I had a choice, I think I'd definitely pick ewoks. (We recently watched the original three episodes of Star Wars with O. and I can't get those cute little critters out of my head.)

amusing said...

You sound hangry, Orange. Go have a croissant.

I would have "scribbles" for employees. They are the imaginary friends drawn by babies who don't know how to draw yet and they live in a closet at Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (Cartoon Network). They are very dedicated, hard-working doodles.

I guess the humans at Blogger fixed things up? Whew.

Trope said...

Squirrels. To remove things from high places, run errands, and entertain my cats and kid (hmm, I suppose they'd better be armed squirrels).

Orange said...

Not squirrels! One of those bastards broke into my house again the other weekend. They keep chewing holes in the kitchen screen!

Psycho Kitty said...

"Just what do you think are you doing, Orange?"

Hmm. I'd have naked men. Do they count as their own species?

Oh, and hey! I bought the book!

Orange said...

Dogs need to learn how to vacuum up the hair they shed if they want to be useful, belle.

Jay, every household should have a grooming monkey. Not so much for the eating of bugs necessarily, but who doesn't like a good scalp massage or scratching? Also, you should know that a friend of mine has a theory (wholly unfounded) that Will Shortz is secretly a llama rancher.

e., I'm not familiar with the skill set ewoks possess, but I will take your word for it that they might be useful to keep around.

amusing, WTF? How many times have I half-watched "Foster's Home" and failed to become aware of the existence of scribbles? That show really is clever, but Ben's more into "Drake and Josh" these days.

PK, yes. You may keep naked men around the house. Just have them put on some shorts when the kids are home so Protective Services doesn't get called and steal your naked men away from you.