Thursday, July 05, 2007

My child-husband

Last weekend in America's Dairyland, Mr. Tangerine went to the grocery store to buy me some beer. (I currently need to watch my potassium intake, and if I must avoid a zillion kinds of produce, peanut butter, milk, ice cream, chocolate, nuts, and my beloved hummus, how will I ingest enough calories if I don't have some beer?)

The cashier carded him. He handed over his out-of-state driver's license and the guy handed it back, saying that it had expired. Mr. Tangerine was too befuddled by the absurdity of being a 41-year-old man getting carded—and carded hard—so he did not have the presence of mind to say, "Doofus, turn the license over. There's a renewal sticker on the back. It's valid." He returned to his parents' house, still at a loss.

When he realized the license wasn't expired at all, he went back to the store (it's a block away), grabbed the Negra Modelo again, and showed the cashier the back of the license.

The cashier remained skeptical. The manager was summoned, and apparently the two employees both thought Mr. Tangerine just plain looked too young. Hello! White hairs above the forehead. White hairs in the beard. Valid photo ID attesting to his birthdate.

Maybe they would have believed it if the license said Mr. Tangerine was 23, but 41? Ridiculous! My husband actually had to get pissed off before the store agreed to sell him a six-pack of beer.

Last year, we'd gone out to eat in Florida with our son Ben and Mr. Tangerine's aunt. The waitress carded Mr. Tangerine, but not me. (And I do still get carded on rare occasions myself.) Let us examine the circumstances here: One older adult, plus two younger adults with a child who looks rather like both of them. The child is about 6 years old. If the father needs to be carded, then the waitress presumably thinks he looks no older than 20...meaning he'd have become a father at 14. But me, I looked old enough. So what am I, Mary Kay LeTourneau with my child-husband? Harrumph! And he's months older than I am!

What's your best carding tale?


Cricket said...

I still get carded regularly and I'll be 45 in three weeks. The motto is for patrons to be prepared to be carded up to age 35. At worst case, I look less than 35, but generally it I am considered to be late 20s.

It is genetic for me with both parents. My father was 21 and with a group from college. This was when the drinking age was 18. They went to a bar and the establishment was prepared to serve all but him. They protested that all were the same-ish age, he was not the 15 he looked, but the bar would not listen and all left.

Make statements with your feet.

Jay said...

My husband starting going gray in his early 20s and by 30 was balding with white sideburns and a lot of white in his beard. He was carded at around that age at a liquor store near a college campus. He burst out laughing, but did produce his ID.

Now we're both 46, and he didn't get carded when he bought beer in NY two weeks ago, but I did the next day.

The oddest ID story we have was the time we flew home from Amsterdam. They had security check-in for individual travelers and a separate line for families with "commingled luggage". We went through the family line, since we had one suitcase with all our clothing, but they got very disturbed because our passports showed different last names and I couldn't produce any ID with his last name. Amsterdam was the last place I expected to get in trouble for that.

Anonymous said...

I have one of those frame-backpack/child carrier things. I once was running some errands on foot with my 2 year old in the back, stowing things in the pouch underneath her.

My last one was at the liquor store (about 6 blocks from our house). Unfortunately, as I walked up the hill, it started to rain... HARD. My daughter was fine, as her carrier had a hood over it, but I was drenched, including my pockets and wallet (which is where my id was)

As I passed my 4-pack of coolers and 6 of beer over the counter, I pushed my wet hair out of my eyes in time to hear her say "Can I see some ID please?"

My drivers license was a temporay, paper copy as we had just moved. It was in five pieces when I managed to wiggle it out of the soggy wallet. She snickered, but could still read my birthdate well enough to let me buy my liquor.

I'm 30. I guess being soaking wet, turning grey and having a kid on your back doesn't mean your legal!

theotherbear said...

Here the legal drinking age is 18. I am 35 and disappointed to realise I have only been asked for ID once this year. It gets less and less with every year, sadly!

E. said...

I still get carded regularly, and I just turned 39. But I've had the experience repeatedly where the cashier (usually younger than me) asks for my ID, sees the birthdate, looks up at me in shock and says "Oh, sorry!" Which I always take to mean "Sorry! I didn't realize you're old!"

Delia Christina said...

at the grocery store buying wine and i get carded (i'm 37); the cashier takes a look, another look then exclaims at how young i look then says it must be because of my 'chipmunk cheeks.'

dude! there was totally a cute guy behind me and now i'm Chipmunk Cheeks.

Queen Ripple said...

I'm posting late here, but I actually got carded a few weeks ago buying beer (when I filled up my gas tank--it's not as bad as it sounds, I swear) with my FIVE kids in tow. Right. The kids were nagging me for candy and calling me "mom," so it wasn't as if I could be the crazy aunt or the babysitter.

And I'm 36. :-)