Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Secular cynics, rejoice!

My eyes bugged out like a runaway bride when reading the Tribune article about the Precious Moments theme park. Yes, really! It's no joke. Conveniently located in Missouri so you can swing by Branson on the same trip.

In addition to the wedding chapel and the dead-children-gone-to-heaven parts of the Precious Moments park, there's also a Fountain of Angels. The Trib article describes it thus:

Twice daily, the Fountain of Angels erupts into life.

In the center of its own 10-story theater, the multilayered fountain blasts water over 120 4-foot bronze statues of bare-bottomed cherubs, cheerful-looking fish and water-spouting ducks.

As the music soars -- a chorus of recorded Christian music (example: "In the Garden") performed by members of the London Philharmonic -- the fountain bursts into a Vegas-style light and water show. In one, "The Everlasting Promise," a booming voice narrates tales of Genesis and the New Testament as corresponding biblical images are projected onto a wall of water behind the fountain.

At the end, a smiling Jesus, played by an actor bearing a striking resemblance to a bearded Orlando Bloom, greets the audience from heaven with open arms.

"It just gets me every time," says Joann Hannaford, 65, sitting outside after the show. "It's just totally fantastic. I've seen this show six or eight times, and every time it touches me. Like I'd never seen it before. . . . The ending is always the best, when you see Christ walking toward you."

13 comments:

Mona Buonanotte said...

OH GOD NO!!! A theme park based on dead children seeing heaven?! If I want a theme park based on dead things, I'll go to DisneyWorld (Bambi's parents, Nemo's mom, I can't even begin to make a list....)

Psycho Kitty said...

Bleeding out the eyes again. Ouch.

Psycho Kitty said...

And I'm sorry, getting married at The Precious Moments Wedding Island? It just boggles the mind. No nookie in that marriage, I'm betting.

Psycho Kitty said...

Although wait. A bearded Orlando Bloom? That might be worth the agony.
Shutting up about it now.

Lisa said...

Yeah....I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with him on that one... I think that seeing Christ walking toward me would force me to break out into a run...

bitchphd said...

Ok, see, that actually sounds like hell.

JT said...

Can't say it any better than BitchPhD. Wow. Just wow.

Sass said...

when I just read this post, I shouted "oh, shut the fuck up!" which is not good, because it's nearly 5 am, and my roommates are sleeping.

But, good fucking grief. You know what we need to do, right?

Me, you, Dr.B, lisa, psycho kitty, jt, and mona need to hop on a bus, drive our asses down there, get completely plastered and just desecrate the place. I, personally, volunteer to risk arrest just so that I might urinate in the Fountain of Angels.

Someone's idea of a sick joke turned into a living nightmare!

Orange said...

You think any same-sex couples have tied the knot at the Wedding Island?

The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

You know, I live only a couple of hours' drive from that place... if any of you are in the neighborhood and really want to go, I can show you. I haven't visited the park, yet, but I've driven by a few times. *shudder*

the nut said...

Ew and scary!

Psycho Kitty said...

I am hard put to think of a more enjoyable way to spend a day than plastered on a bus with you people, plotting mayhem. Tally ho!

orangemike said...

Tonstant Weader fwowed up!

--
orange mike
allergic to kawaii