Collected Short Works, circa 1974

I'm not sure what grade I was in when I wrote these—maybe third or fourth grade?

First, in honor of Bitch Ph.D.:

The Beautiful Shoes

I've been wishing for a pair of shoes.

One day I got some beautiful shoes.

"Oh, how beautiful they are," I remarked. THE END

(The teacher drew a red star and wrote, "Lovely. What did you do in them?" Pshaw! When it comes to beautiful shoes, the point is that the shoes are beautiful, not what you might do while wearing them. "I was fabulous in my beautiful shoes, bitch!")

Next, in honor of the Bush administration's record in environmental protection, my younger self is proud to offer:

That Poison Pollution

The air used to be so very clean,
but now it's very dirty.
Let's all work to clean it up
or it may kill us before we're 30.