Last night, Ben asked me, "Which is the bad finger?" and gave me "the finger" but with his ring finger. I showed him which finger it's supposed to be, but told him it's rude to flip the bird at someone and it hurts people's feelings.
Like any clever child, Ben knows how to work the angles, so he gave himself the finger, and said, "Look, it doesn't hurt my feelings," and asked me, his mother, to give him The Bad Finger. (I refused. See what a good role model I am?)
Mr. Tangerine walked into the room, so I explained what Ben and I had been discussing. Good old Dad concurred with my judgment and told Ben not to wield The Bad Finger—and certainly never at school.
Ben knows that there are certain things that should be done only when one is alone. So he ducked into my bedroom, closed the door, and gave himself The Bad Finger in private! Then he opened the door when he was done, satisfaction achieved.
Add that to the list of things that may be done when one is in private: a wild rumpus for one, giving oneself The Bad Finger"...what else is there?