Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Bad Finger

Last night, Ben asked me, "Which is the bad finger?" and gave me "the finger" but with his ring finger. I showed him which finger it's supposed to be, but told him it's rude to flip the bird at someone and it hurts people's feelings.

Like any clever child, Ben knows how to work the angles, so he gave himself the finger, and said, "Look, it doesn't hurt my feelings," and asked me, his mother, to give him The Bad Finger. (I refused. See what a good role model I am?)

Mr. Tangerine walked into the room, so I explained what Ben and I had been discussing. Good old Dad concurred with my judgment and told Ben not to wield The Bad Finger—and certainly never at school.

Ben knows that there are certain things that should be done only when one is alone. So he ducked into my bedroom, closed the door, and gave himself The Bad Finger in private! Then he opened the door when he was done, satisfaction achieved.

Add that to the list of things that may be done when one is in private: a wild rumpus for one, giving oneself The Bad Finger"...what else is there?

14 comments:

Mona Buonanotte said...

Staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror in various poses and with various faces to see which is the sexiest version of 'you'.

Uh...so I've read....

Cricket said...

What a delight! The mantra of all good moms - take it to your room.

giddybug said...

There is also picking one's nose and passing gas.

Orange said...

Who needs to be alone in a room for that last one? Then there's no one to exclaim in delight if you squeeze out a funny-sounding one.

Mignon said...

Singing out loud to the Spice Girls.

Or eating leftover birthday cake frosting by the handful.

JT said...

Eating inexcusably orange foodlike products.
Drinking grape soda.
Unwedgieing.
Surfing for porn. (I literally thought "duh!" right after I thought that one.)
Consuming ridiculous amounts of chocolate.

Bella Sultane said...

Reading great fiction.

Reading cheesy mystery novels.

Eating raspberry non-dairy ice cream.

Singing and dancing wildly to the "RENT" soundtrack.

Not that I would know, or anything.

E. said...

Yes, nose picking should be done in private. For the very young it's OK to do it when mom or dad are present, but not at table (at least that's what we told our little guy).

Masturbation (unless it's mutual masturbation, in which case you can share with that special someone).

Feral Mom said...

Drinking alone. When I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself. Just kidding. Maybe. If you're alone in the car, does that count as by yourself? Because the car is definitely the best place to pick one's nose. Or so I've heard.

E. said...

The car is also a great place to masturbate, though I suggest open road without a lot of other traffic. (Actually open road without a lot of traffic is the best time to pick your nose in the car, too.)

I realized after I said "masturbate" that of course that's synonymous with Orange's "wild rumpus for one." Or maybe not synonymous. The wild rumpus for one probably encompasses masturbation, but is not limited to masturbation.

Orange said...

E., I'd love to know what sort of things could also fall under the heading "wild rumpus for one." I suspect you have a lot to teach us all...

the nut said...

Peanut has taken to cursing again but I can't blame him since his mom, at times, can have a trashy mouth. I simply encourage to please not do it at school so they won't call SS on me or something.

Honestly, I can't think of anything else to do in a room by yourself other than picking your nose and masturbating. I really hate visible buggers and Peanut knows this so it's not always done privately. Peanut might have other ideas though so I'll ask him in the morning (because what he does by himself I'm usually not privy to, hence the reason he does it by himself).

DoctorMama said...

I thought wild rumpus for one was more than just masturbating too — I can't quite describe it, but I have an indistinct image in my mind's eye.

I prefer to do so many things in a room alone, I couldn't possibly list them all.

Charlie said...

Doing air guitar far too seriously while listening to Paul McCartney and imagining that you're playing in his band.

Not that I've ever done that.