Sunday, June 18, 2006

Only in America, no?

I walked past a plumbing boutique this evening, and I always like to check out the tableaux in the display windows. For instance, one window featured a wide rectangular washbasin and a squarish toilet. It's fine to be artsy in your bathroom design, but your choices in toilet seat replacements are mighty constrained if your toilet's a crazy shape. I have also seen an octagonal toilet in this store.

And now, they're selling the Great John toilet. Check out that picture. The opening in the toilet seat isn't smaller, no ma'am. It's the seat surrounding the opening that's enormous—over two feet wide, in fact. It's a shame the opening isn't jumbo-sized, too, because then you and your loved one could park butt to butt and have total togetherness when peeing. Wouldn't that be romantic?

I was surprised to learn from the website that you actually can buy the Great John outside the United States (okay, only in Ottawa, Ontario, but still, it's quintessentially American).


Feral Mom said...

Someone (sadly, I cannot) should write a dissertation about toilets. Mr. Feral says that Austrian toilets have a little ledge to hold up your turd so you can look at it before you flush, while British toilets squirrel it down a hole so it's like it wasn't there at all. American toilets are somewhere in between. Isn't this fascinating? Damn, maybe I *should* write my dissertation on toilets. Do you think I could squeeze (ha ha) a chapter out of the Great John?

Orange said...

Ah, the dreaded Euro poo shelf! I experienced that in the Czech Republic and found it most disturbing. This phenomenon is well-known to horrified Americans visiting Europe, as attested to in
this illustrated travelogue.

I'm gonna use that as my new euphemism: "Excuse me. I've gotta squeeze a chapter out now."

Delia Christina said...

and ick on the toilet shelf thing. ick! i never noticed that particular design quirk while i was in paris or amsterdam perhaps because overseas travel always screws up my 'constitutional.'

i was, however, struck by the difference in toilet paper. ouchie.

Maman said...

ok... that seems very weird.. don't get me wrong... I am a big girl after all, but I really need a special toilet. A standard one works quite well, thank you very much. Now what I want is the Toto toilet.

Mona Buonanotte said...

"Our toilets are tested to 2000 pounds." Whew, THAT'S a relief.

Orange said...

Ding, Czech TP was wonderfully inexpensive, but otherwise icky.

Maman, I can't get Mr. Tangerine to buy into the Washlet bidet concept. But my next toilet will be a Toto, oh yes.

Mona, isn't that a savvy business move? They've ensured that no one on earth will be able to convince themselves not to buy it because it won't support their weight.

Mignon said...

After much consideration, I have decided to become a model for a toilet company that makes a model for super-plus sized people. Can you imagine your son/daughter/spouse/therapist telling you this????

Delia Christina said...

without changing one's toilet, one can have the effects of the bidet without the expense: behold, the Biffy (

(and if i knew how to do that link thingy, i'd show you. alas, i can't.)

save a tree; use a Biffy.

(i wish i could say i'm making this up.)

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

My mom used to like reading on the toilet until us kids started calling her "ring around the bum". I guess the Great John alleviates the embarrassment of toilet seat pressure marks.

I want one of those clear acrylic toilet seats with barbed wire in it. That would be awesome.