Friday, November 04, 2005

This is terrible

I will be forsaking the Orange Tangerine universe for a few days. Nobody but Kathie paid any attention to the last post, so I can't just leave that one up top for three days. I need something zippy, something that spurs lively conversation in the comments zone. But what? I lack inspiration.

Sex, food, and potty talk are always big hits. How about kidblogging? My kid has taken to calling me "Mommom" lately. I think it's adorable, but I won't hold it against you if you don't.

Potty talk? The Feral Mom pointed me toward ratemypoo.com, which is completely horrifying. If you like that sort of thing, check it out. But I'm warning you, it's gross. It's photos of non-empty toilets, and you're supposed to rate the poo, and it looks like every single poo averages about a 5.1 to 5.8. So that's kinda pointless. Nothing rates a 1 or a 10? Feh.

Food? Nah. I'm all sandwiched out. I'm still not sure which is worse, though: Puffintoad's peanut butter and mayo, or Psycho Kitty's peanut butter and sauerkraut. Both appall me.

That leaves sex. Let's see what we've got. For position recommendations, visit The Lowland Seed to find out what's working for Sergei and Mona. You can't beat their patented Astronaut—if you're in a male/female relationship, try it out tonight. In other personal topics, I just bought this trimmer to keep my bits tidy. Haven't tried it yet, but it looks promising. Last but not least, two of my famous boyfriends are going to be on TV together. That's right: Senator Barack Obama, whom I love, will be on "The Daily Show" Monday night with Jon Stewart, whom I dreamed about (in the dream, we were totally making out, but then I put a stop to it because my subconscious, apparently, is scrupulously monogamous). As my friend Flea pointed out to me, "Women all over the country will explode as soon as those two shake hands." Gentlemen, you can take it easy Monday night. Barack and Jon will take care of the foreplay for you.

Have a great weekend, people!

11 comments:

the nut said...

Bon voyage!

And you did get 22 comments on the freebie post so that's sayin' something, right?

Bella Sultane said...

Barack Obama and Jon Stewart. Fabulous!

One of the few times I regret not owning a tv.

Mona Buonanotte said...

Note to self...Monday night...The Daily Show...make sure you're alone and have plenty of fresh towels to wipe up the girl-spooge.

Orn'g, I just wanted to apologize for my lack of comments. And posts. Up to my tatas in work and kids and stupidass cold. I have been reading you, but apparently all my fingers is broken....

Ellen said...

Jon Stewart is a bona fide crossword fan. Will has been on his show.

Maine said...

I hope Jon lets Barack speak during the interview. He can sometime get a little overbearing.

JT said...

I am ALL OVER the TiVo'ing of the Barack Obama with the Jon Stewart (read me some Manolo last night).
Yummy, yummy.

I was in the Oprah audience when Obama made his appearance there, and the gals they were goin' crazy. From just the rapt attention of me and my mom, you'd think Obama was Mick Jagger in 1967 or something. We were giggly.

Charlie said...

Alright, here's the thing about the Missives from Spamland... They were too witty. I actually went through my spam folder to see if I could match wits with you, but I got nuthin'. (Wits, I mean. I had plenty of spam.)

And regarding Rate My Poo: I saw that too, but only managed to pull up one picture before coming to my senses. I wonder if all poos rate average because everybody is rating differently? Perhaps some people think, Wow, gross, that's a 10! Whereas others think, Wow, gross, that's a 1! I mean, if you ask me to rate my poo on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, I'm not exactly sure what the criteria are. I'll have to think about that, there might be a blog post in there somewhere.

JACE1020 said...

please read this. it might change your opinion of Walgreens.

http://evilwalgreens.blogspot.com/

the nut said...

jt- me too! he was here sunday and when i saw him you'd a thunk he was a famous rock star or somethin' instead of the humble senator from IL!

The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

We love you-- but like everyone else, the "real world" is killing most of us at the moment. The Blogosphere, like all other spheres, is constantly in flux. Keep your chin up!

JT said...

Nut, I forgot my other silly brush with Barack -- he bought furniture from my friend Hugo at my home store, and apparently was just the nicest thing ever -- walked around the whole store, picked out stuff himself, asked everyone's advice, and was super-friendly. Wow.