Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Shocking but true: I want to start a new meme

C'mon, let's all play! Write 10 things about your dating/sexual history (in the comments or at your own blog) that are shocking but true. Here's mine:

1. Nobody asked me out in high school.
2. My first kiss was in freshman year...of college.
3. In sophomore year of college, I went out with a guy named...Binks.
4. One summer during the college years, I stayed on campus to work and generally avoid living with my parents. I had a ten-guy summer—but it was just making out, since I was a virgin at the time. People who didn't know I was a virgin thought I was a total slut.
5. I lost my virginity at age 21, just before senior year of college began. His member was curved, and his mother fucked up Kraft Macaroni & Cheese with onion flakes. (You can't do that.)
6. I once made out with a guy named Thor. (In Minnesota, these things happen.)
7. My interracial involvements have included two or maybe three Asians, a South Asian (a Bengali from Nepal, I think), and one guy who was part American Indian. I slept in a black guy's bed for six weeks, but he wasn't there.
8. I've never done anything with another girl or woman.
9. My total number of sexual partners stands at two.
10. I have been monogamous for 17.5 years.

24 comments:

Feral Mom said...

That is a SHOCKING relevation about Kraft Mac & Cheese. What kind of sicko world did you live in, Orange?

Sex? Scandal? Lists? I'm in.
1. I really DID get my first kiss (and a few gropes) at band camp, though I did NOT stick my flute up my pussy. No self-respecting flute player would do that, Alyson Hannigan.
2. My first (and biggest dick of a) boyfriend was 6'5"...after that (though not consciously) I never dated anyone taller than me (5'6").
3. I was college roommates with the same woman for four years, and we fooled around for the last two of them. It was an all-women's dorm too. See what happens?
4. I think Stephen Tyler is sexy.
5. I can count my sexual partners on one hand, including (speaking of one hand) myself.
6. I did not know how babies were made (beyond vague talk about planting seeds in a woman's womb) until I was 14.
7. I also believed in Santa Claus until I was 11.
8. I think Santa Claus is sexy.
9. My first "date" was a Kenny Loggins concert. He reached over and grabbed my hand during "Footloose."
10. I lost my virginity under a Pink Floyd "Dark Side of the Moon" poster at 19, making me a)something of a late bloomer and b)a classic rock dork.

Maine said...

Can I do this? I'll just echo your questions, I guess...

1. I didn't date in high school. I preferred sports. Mainly because I didn't like the way women demanded so much attention and liked to talk about nothing for what seemed like hours.
2. My first kiss... er, with tongue was when I was 13? In my backyard with a neighbor girl.
3. Sophmore year of college, I went out with Ashley.
4. I wasn't a slut in college. I had girlfriends and was mostly monogamous, but was very experimental in bed.
5. I lost my virginity at 17 to a girl who told everyone I raped her the next day.
6. I made out with a girl named Vasiliki.
7. I've pretty much run the racial gamut. Not by design. They just kinda asked me out.
8. I've never boned a dude.
9. I'd need to borrow some other hands to count my sexual partners. But I can honestly say that I love them all in some form.
10. I'm married, so my dick is currently in the off position.

the nut said...

This might be easy but at any rate, why the hell not.

1. Dated same guy during Jr. year in high school; dated only 1 guy in Sr. year and that was for a whole 3 months. After I broke up with him, he tried to rape my friend. Yet I had the reputation of a slut. Funny huh?

2. That guy went to a different school (our rival) and I wore his wrestling team sweatshirt to my school a bunch of times.

3. I began to date my class president the day we graduated.

4. (nothing to do with sexual history but its really funny) The day before my HS graduation I fell off a dirt bike, busted my chin and knee requiring 5 stitches and a leg brace. I looked interesting gimping across the stage.

5. I got my first kiss at 15 I think? I can't remember because it really wasn't that exciting.

6. Didn't lose my virginity 'til right after I turned 18. 3 months later I had an abortion.

7. With that same guy, my mom caught us naked on the couch while we attempted to have sex. It was an open room so there was no where to hide.

8. That guys name was Brett and he was the biggest asshole I've ever dated - well, take that back because my exhusband is the worst. But I've gotten rid of them all!

9. I used to be afraid to say no to sex so I've slept with more guys than I care to admit, but will admit here: 7.

10. I haven't had sex in over a year because the last guy I had sex with wasn't circumsized and condoms allow for much of an erection (but I made him use them anyway bc I said Hey buddy, you aren't the one who would have to go through an abortion or pregnancy - wear it!)...he's the 7th but does that really count since his penis didn't stay hard long enough to accomplish anything? I've made out a few times but really, who wants to have all that intercourse if the guy's gonna forget about you in the end?

Actually, I think one of the major contributors to me not wanting to risk having bad sex is because that's been mostly my experience. I had the PR/Cuban guy who's now a marine and stationed in Japan who was THE BEST (and BIGGEST) and I'm just having a hard time 'cause I don't ever want bad sex again.

the nut said...

er, #10 condoms don't allow for much of an erection. duh.

DoctorMama said...

Does this really count as a meme? But I'll do it, of course.

1. I started having sex with myself when I was still in grade school.

2. I didn't know you were supposed to think about sex when you masturbated, so the first time I had an orgasm I was thinking about an Archie comic book I'd read earlier that day. Specifically, I was thinking about the gang riding in the jalopy. Fortunately this resulted in no fetishes or hangups later. Though I do sometimes giggle when I see an Archie comic now.

3. I pressured my goody-goody highschool boyfriend into having sex. It took a couple of months to wear him down. I think I was 17.

4. I can count the number on two hands. I don't know if that's shocking.

5. Approximately 50% were Jewish and 20% Irish-American. One was from Norway and one's dad was Mexican. I guess this one's not particularly shocking, although the fact that I'm not Jewish might annoy some of their grandmothers. There were no discernable patterns in terms of size or ability.

6. I've never made out with any guy without also sleeping with him. I'd rather have intercourse with someone I don't like than French kiss him. (I did kiss a girl once and didn't sleep with her.)

7. I've never slept with anyone because I loved him. Most of them I ended up loving eventually in some way. Except one I really didn't like at all -- I was just bored.

8. I had sex in a van. It was tricked out with shag carpeting and louvered blinds.

9. One guy's granny walked in on us while we were going at it. And I don't mean fooling around -- really going at it.

10. My mother's only advice to me re: having sex was, "Be careful who you sleep with, because they always get attached and want to marry you, which is a drag." I've found this to be true only about half the time.

Orange said...

Feral Mom, it may be that onion flakes = haute cuisine in the greater Fargo area; I can't say for sure, having not been back since the '80s. Single-sex dorms clearly lead to trouble, whereas I actually married the guy across the hall in my coed dorm. You'd think the Christian Right would be all over this, promoting the coed lifestyle for its salutary effects.

Maine, aside from the nonexistent boning, what have you done with a dude? You left that door wide open, pal.

Nut, apparently Mr. Tangerine and I are going to have to do some research before Ben's old enough for The Talk. We have zero foreskin experience between the two of us, but Ben's going to have to contend with the presence of his.

DoctorMama, you're killing me! Archie and the jalopy! A van with shag and blinds! And a grandma! (I've never done it in front of a grandma, but apparently my grandma did overhear us one time (before marriage, natch).

The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...
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Maine said...

Orange,

Wow, I did leave that door wide open, didn't I?

The Assimilated Negro said...

Orange,

you slept in my bed for six weeks and I wasn't there !!!! where the hell was I ??!!?

I can't get over the names of these guys. Binks and Thor??

I definitely can't believe you went out with Binks ...

do we have contact information for Binks's parents, I think an interview with them will be my next post.

Orange said...

UA: !! and !!!! and !!!!!!

TAN, dear, you were probably sleeping in a race car bed with Power Rangers sheets at the time. Binks was a nickname, and oddly enough, he wasn't the slightest bit preppy. My middle-class family probably had more money, and he was just...a cheesehead.

bitchphd said...

1. In high school I dated Older Men Who Didn't Go To My School.

2. My first kiss other than elementary school was probably the guy I started dating summer of my freshman year. I'd prefer to forget about it, thank you.

3. I dated a guy once who actually told me that I should fuck him because he "bet I'd come really easily." Oddly, this line failed to work.

4. I broke up with Mr. B. on Valentine's Day once. By phone. By accident. B/c I'd forgotten it was V. day.

5. Lost virginity at either 15 or 17, depending on if you count "putting it just a little way in."

6. The guy when I was 15 dumped me immediately afterwards; he had a "fucking virgins" fetish. Later he tried to date my sister and I told him to stay the fuck away from her. She didn't appreciate this at the time.

7. I kissed a girlfriend once in an extremely drunken attempt to get her into bed with me because I was hot for her boyfriend. Don't ask about my logic, I was drunk off my ass.

8. I believe that, with the exception of #6, I have been the dumper in every relationship I've ever had.

9. Mr. B. asked me to marry him twice; I asked him once. Only one of those took.

10. I've dated all shapes, sizes, colors, and kinds of men. I'm surprisingly open-ended on physical appearance, even though there are certain things that I fetishize.

Charlie said...

1. I asked two people out in High School. Well, mostly I just acted awkward around them until we somehow ended up "going out"...

2. My first kiss was in my freshman year of high school, with a girl named Paula Champion. Every time I think of her, I want to start singing Queen's "We Are The Champions." I was going to break up with her, but then she kissed me. Then we dated for a couple of months.

3. I married the valedictorian of the high school graduating class above me. My mom asked her what she saw in me, a C student. (My wife held up the trophy she received so I could spell "valedictorian" correctly. She tells me she couldn't spell it either until she had to write it on her resume. I almost misspelled it anyway.)

4. I'm very interested in nonmonogamy, but I am monogamous at this point (and unless there is a major change, probably forever). I'm also interested in gender bending.

5. I lost my virginity when I was 20, a few days after I got married -- if you're being strict about your definitions, which I was at the time. If you're not, then it was more like, what, 17? Twelve if you count masturbation.

6. I didn't receive oral sex until about two years ago. Much to my surprise, I found that I enjoyed giving it much more than receiving it.

7. I got married much too early to even think about interracial relationships. After I was married, I had a crush on a black woman, until she told me she'd sleep with me -- and my wife "wouldn't have to know about it." I declined.

8. I've never done anything with another guy. Though I admit I'm curious...

9. The first time I masturbated, I was about 12 years old. I felt immediately guilty, and apologized to God (in whom I no longer believe) for my sins. Then I did it again a few days later. Then I did it some more, and eventually lost track of how many times it happened. Which is much healtier, really.

10. Speaking of guilt about sex, before I was married, every couple of months I would go through periods where I felt guilty about fooling around with my girlfriend (who eventually became my wife). This guilt impacted our sex lives for years.

Lisa said...

I was thinking of doing this on my blog, but for now, I'm doing it here... I LOVED reading yours, and everyone else's! (and I'm going to mirror your pattern for the most part)

1. I got asked out by one boy in high school, a week before my 16th birthday. (16 is when mormons are ALLOWED to date. period, no exceptions. my mom rocks, so i got to go. this boy would break my heart into so many pieces it still hasn't healed.)
2. First kiss: with the boy who took me on my first date, after 3 or 4 dates, and one flamingly awkward attempt in the back hallway of my best friend's house in the pitch dark. The kiss itself was on Limerock street, after the Lobster Festival.
3. I became engaged to this boy just before I turned 18, during the spring of my senior year, in a hotel room in Virginia Beach, VA.
4. Most shocking, even to me, I never had sex with this first great love of mine--2.5 years of heavy petting and not one single time did I venture to touch, taste, ride...ahem, where was I??
5. I lost my virginity at 19, to a guy named Frank, as retribution for the first boyfriend getting married...yeah, it TOTALLY worked. heh.
6. I once made out with a guy named Snowflake, from St. Vincent.
7. speaking of which, my interracial involvements included him; my first boyfriend was hispanic (which was rare in maine); and I went to prom with the only black boy in my schol (at the time), and a bunch of whiteys. but only because I've never lived anywhere non-monoracial.
8. I once made out with a girl friend, because I thought my husband would find it sexy. It actually grossed us both out because of the specifics surrounding the girl I did that with. oh well. there will be a next time.
10. I have been monogamous for almost 8 years...nothing compared to yours, but some would find it shocking--including my paranoid husband!!!!!
blah. I could make this better if I tried. Too bad I am an apathetic apparition lately...

Psycho Kitty said...

Sigh. Late again. Should I even bother to do this now?

Orange said...

Yes! The Beast is hungry for more confessions.

E. said...

1. I gave and received oral sex before I had intercourse (according to Kinsey, this is rare, but according to the “everything but” definition of virginity that I and my high school friends adhered to, it’s status quo).

2. I lost my “actual” virginity when I was nearly 20 with a guy I’d been dating for two years.

3. I was scared of boys ‘til I was about 15 and I turned down (in a particularly squirrely and agitated manner) the first few guys that asked me out.

4. My first date was going to see “Footloose” (hey Feral Mom!) my sophomore year in H.S. with a senior I had a huge crush on but became terrified of after he asked me out. We did not make out. That was our only date.

5. I have been monogamous for the past 10.5 years.

6. I’m constitutionally monogamous, apparently. I tried to have a couple of one-night stands in my mid-twenties, but they ended up turning into relationships.

7. I have been masturbating since I was about three. The first time I heard someone say that masturbation was bad/wrong/dirty (I was probably around five) I thought that sounded like total bullshit.

8. My first year of teaching (at a Catholic junior high) there were two sex-oriented rumors about me going around among the students: 1. That I lived in sin with my boyfriend. 2. That I was a lesbian. (One of these rumors was true.)

9. At some point in my early 20s I resolved never to fake an orgasm again.

10. I’ve never made out with a woman and now that I’m married I kind of regret that I never got the chance.

Cricket said...

I have been debating this for days. Here goes.

1. My first kiss was at almost 15 (I was so chicken, had plenty of chances prior) with a guy at the beach having the surname Lowe. When I got back home, I cut out Lowe's from a circular, chopped off the 's, and put him on my bulletin board.

2. My first sex was at 16, on a snow day from school on my sister's birthday, and it was a stick it in only event. One slow, scary pump, then I freaked. I still pretty much considered myself a virgin.

3. My first real sex was at almost 18, after HS. My boyfriend of a couple years (#2 above) screwed the rest of the county instead of defacing me. We had sort of an unspoken deal. Our first was at the beach after HS graduation and in a room with another couple. I remember the other boy, but not the girl. That is my closest (non) experience to group sex.

4. With those years of me not having real sex (I admit to a Clintonian definition), I got very good at blow jobs and it has served me well since.

5. After my divorce following 17 years of marriage, I enjoyed becoming sexually active once again. My sexual intercourse lover numbers reach 5 hands now, but that is spread out over 25 years of sexual activity.

6. Until 3 years ago, I'd never had a one night stand pick up deal. The guy, I thought, was part of our convention and when this god-like, delicious hunk asked me for my number afterwards, I told him I was sleepy and he could get it the next day. Bonehead.

7. I once had a fiance during/after college who bought me my first vibrator. Later, I found out it was actually for him. This was way before male g-spot came into our vocabulary. After us dating for a year, he sprang it on me that he wanted it up the ass while we are having missionary style sex. During our attempt, my arms were too short and the vibrator repeatedly popped out into the leaves/twigs under the trees we were using for shelter. Yuck. Not my fiance much longer after that for lots of reasons.

8. This same guy would always giggle loudly during orgasm. That part was kind of cute.

9. I once didn't have sex with a guy whose penis barely reached beyond my fist clenched around it. The didn't have sex part wasn't related to that. Contrasting this, I did have a short relationship with a guy a month later who was hung so largely (length and width) that his girth filled my two hands as I stretched to reach around it. He had a hard time finding women who could accomodate him. I guess that's where going through childbirth came in handy.

10) I consider myself an untested bi-sexual. I've never been with a woman, but I've always wanted to. If my daring fiance were present or approved, I'd try it.

Pretty good for a fat mom in the 'burbs.

The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...
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Orange said...

The !!!!!! was for the classes at your girlfriend's house. The !!!!, for the internal injuries. The !!, for not having "discovered" masturbation on your own prior to age 12. All shocking! Well done.

the shrewness said...

oohh lists!!!

am i too late to include mine?

i hope not, i hope not.. :)

Orange said...

Shrewness, keep the party rolling! Let's hear what you've got.

the shrewness said...
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the shrewness said...

Here's mine:

1. my first kiss was with a guy named kimberly ( i know, i shouldve taken that as a sign! ) in first grade. he came out of the closet freshman year in college. there goes that fag magnet again!

2. when i was younger, i thought that girls get pregnant when guys kiss them in the mouth. believed that till biology class in high school.

3. my real real first kiss wasnt till i was 21. it was my 21st birthday and some random guy just planted a wet one on me. i was hooked after that. I lost my virginity at age 22, with a guy with a hairy back (eww!) and a very small penis. it 3 days before christmas and i was limping during hoiday dinner. i discovered muscles i didnt even know i had!

4. i dont enjoy masturbating. my vibrators are still in their cute boxes in my underwear drawer.

5. i like being tied up.

6. it takes me a while to be comfortable enough to have a guy go down on me. i can have intercourse just not oral sex. go figure!

7. ive only had 3 serious relationships and have only slept with 5 guys.

8. i only date tall, white, older, blue-eyed guys. ive never been attracted to any other type. this probably explains #7.

9. ive never been with a girl. JD is tring to change that.

10. i am way too emotional for a one-night stand.

Anonymous said...
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