Friday, October 14, 2005

Wow, that's a lot of repression

Over at Tertia's blog, it turns out that a lot of people would rather do things like constipate themselves for two weeks than generate a #2 in the same household as a romantic partner. Tertia used to race home from her future husband's place on the freeway to get to her own toilet, and still demands bathroom privacy. There are people who refuse to poop at someone else's house, or anywhere away from home. There's a woman who was too embarrassed to get out of the bath she was sharing with her man when she had to pee, so instead she peed in the tub and turned the water yellow (nice!). I never once heard my dad pass gas or burp, and there were two results: (1) wicked halitosis, and (2) early death. I'm telling you, the heart can't take so much stifling. It's not healthy.

On the other hand, some couples will have farting contests, I learned in Tertia's comments area. Somebody else has a mother-in law who is "so proud of her farts, she'll walk into a crowded room, say loudly, 'Your attention, please! A moment of silence!' She'll fart, dramatically, then say 'you may now continue,' and leave." (That woman is my hero.) There's one woman who farts in front of her husband, which distresses him, but she's doing it to avenge his farts.

We're a pretty relaxed family here in the Maison Tangerine. Those of you in the total-repression camp, I beg you: Loosen up before it's too late. Now, I'm not saying you should pull the Dutch oven trick or anything—that's just cruel to your bed partner—but life is too short to be all angsty about tooting and depositing logs.

9 comments:

The Assimilated Negro said...

around you family sure. but I definitely prefer to not use other people's toilets.

The Assimilated Negro said...

It's unfortunate, but you're going to have to stop posting soon. we simply can't have the boobs get archived. You probably have a handful left ... but keep them short...

thanks,
TAN

Sergei C. said...

Mona is like some free-range buffalo, stinking up the joint at every turn. I, on the other hand, only poot talcum powder.

Mona Buonanotte said...

Sergei is a liar, and often gives me the Dutch oven treatment.

I mean a liar in that I DO fart, but mine smell like baby powder.

Itchy said...

I'm from a family of farters and burpers. Yes, it's a thing to brag about. My sister can burp with the best of 'em...and I used to leave her farts in her bedroom. My dad blames the mice...

My hubby is from a family of nonfarters...so it's a big to-do about not being on the same floor of the house if one needs to poo. But pee with the door open all day long. :D So after 10 years of marriage, he still doesn't fart around me...

DoctorMama said...

Hey, it wasn't two weeks, it was only a little over a week, and I was fifteen years old! These days I wouldn't try to keep it in longer than, oh, a couple-three days.

WeaverRose said...

I missed out on something very important. What is the Dutch oven trick?

Orange said...

Weaverrose, you haven't known suffering until you've been Dutch-ovened. That's when you've got a couple people in bed and one of them farts and then traps the gas (and the bed partner) under the covers.

Craig said...

I understand both sides here. I would certainly rather not use a toilet at someone else's house or with anyone else around. (Of course, I hide in the bathroom with the door shut to blow my nose.) Then again, I am also aware that these are biological things and that everyone does them...otherwise, eww.

My basic thought: It's a normal thing, but we don't need to share too much.

And if I were in the tub with my wife and she peed in the water because she was embarrassed, it would be over. No sorries, no forgiveness. Over.