Friday, October 28, 2005

Mr. Tangerine strikes again

When you blow your nose, do you ever take a look at the tissue to see what you're dealing with? Sure you do. If you check a baby's dirty diaper for color and consistency to monitor his health, why wouldn't you give your snot a cursory inspection as well?

I have a slight cold, so when I blew my nose last night during the baseball game, I had a little look-see. "Are you reading tea leaves there? Can you predict the future?" Mr. Tangerine asked. This made me laugh. Hard. Did you ever try to blow your nose while laughing? I daresay it's impossible. (Is his comment riotously funny, or is it one of those "you had to be there" things? 'Cause I couldn't stop laughing.)

Anyway, I took a good close look at my used Puffs, but it did not reveal the outcome of the ball game. What good are boogers if they won't tell you the obvious, that the White Sox would win Game 4? Sheesh. I've got to work harder on this prognostication thing.

I think Ben may be able to tap into these powers, too. When he wipes his butt, he always swipes the paper all the way around (I know: ack!) so he can see what he's working with. I'm going to start asking him to foretell the future in the poop smears on the TP.

Join us, won't you?

12 comments:

kathie said...

Everyone does it, but it makes you cringe to hear about someone else doing it...should bring in record numbers of comments, based on the whole puke, poo, and sandwich crowd you're courting here...love it, of course.

BabyPink said...

now, reading this, i couldn't stop laughing!:)

Pomme said...

I do both (you know, with my nose and with my...hum...TP.)

You can at least say if you're sick or not !

DoctorMama said...

No. I refuse to leave a comment. I'll bare my breasts in front of my grandfather-in-law, but discussing my TP is going too far. I maintain that I don't poop.

Orange said...

But Doctor, do you blow your nose? I think only children poop.

Anonymous said...

Last time I was at the doctor (I had a sinus infection), he asked me several very detailed questions about the quality of my snot. Eventually I blew my nose and he looked at it. He based his prescription recommendation on the quality of the snot. Ceftin. Infection is all gone.

molly

The Assimilated Negro said...

not only do I blow my nose. I blow my ass.

but ummm yeah .. I'm right with you. I have major allergies and sinal issues, I always have tissues, often used, and I'm always checking them, pre blow, during the blow, after blow. pre sex, during sex, after sex. pre sandwich, during sandwich, after sandwich ...etc. etc.

And I wouldn't say the comment is "had to be there" but I'd say it's one of those relationship funnies that proabbly won't go over as well on stage in downtown NYC. but that's true of most material.

Orange said...

Thanks for your affidavit, Molly!

TAN Man, at least the tea leaves remark is funnier than Mr. Tangerine's more usual "Find anything good?"

How come my verify words are always so complicated when I comment at my own house? I've got wpylidzp right now.

DoctorMama said...

I blow my nose very discretely and don't look. And I never, ever pick it. And like a gerbil, I excrete only tiny inoffensive pellets, but mine you can burn to heat your home when energy costs are high.

Mona Buonanotte said...

I look at everything. Pee. Poop. Snot. Sex residue. Vomit. I have to. I'm usually the one cleaning up something.

cancerbaby said...

I check it all, though I'm not necessarily consistent with my snot. My poop? I've looked at so much toilet paper and the contents of so many bowls that I think you could safely say I commune with my shit. This is, of course, related to my health concerns, and both you and your readers should know that your crap can tell you an awful lot about your health. If I hadn't checked my poop, my diagnosis may have taken even longer than it did. So I declare from the mount: go forth and be one with your shit, and do it with pride.

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