Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Split-personality posting fest

• You know how it takes a while to find a deodorant or antiperspirant that you like? I fell for a mildly scented Suave invisible dry concoction that few stores in my area ever carry. Somewhere along the way, I bought Dove's "cool essentials with cucumber and green tea extracts." Sounds innocuous enough. But my underarms now smell like watermelon Jolly Rancher candy more than anything else.

• Speaking of crazy fruit scents, don't buy "Grapple" apples. They're billed as apples that taste like grapes. "Ooh! Intriguing!" you think. Yeah. You know why they taste and smell like grapes (or, more accurately, like grape-flavored purple stuff)? Because they've been permeated with natural and artificial flavors. I thought I was buying an interesting heirloom variety or something. Not much in the habit of reading labels closely in the produce section, after all.

• Here's a must-read essay by Naomi Wolf about the corrosion of America's democratic safeguards by actions strikingly reminiscent of the tried-and-true fascist techniques. Link from Francis.

• Bill Moyers was on "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross yesterday; you can listen to the show here. They talked about the ways in which the media failed to do its job during the run-up to the Iraq war. Don't miss the documentary episode of the new show, Bill Moyers' Journal, on the subject. "Buying the War" airs Wednesday night on PBS; check your local listings and set your TiVo, your DVR, your VCR, or your ass on the couch tomorrow.

• Yes, Mr. Tangerine and I forgot to take a camera to Ben's birthday party. Fortunately, Flea whipped out her cell phone and took a picture of the birthday boy sporting a lovely set of teeth he obtained at Chuck E. Cheese's:

Ding posted a great video about weight and overweight. I can't really find the words to describe it well—sort of a fat chick's declaration of independence? Go watch it.

• Bridesmaid update: Went in to try on the dress and arrange for alterations last week. Spent a traumatic hour in the "intimates" department trying (and failing) to find a bra (or bustier! per the instructions from the lady in the bridal salon) that would (1) fit right, (2) be properly supportive, and (3) not peek out of the top of the dress. Then I returned to the bridal department with a wrong-size loaner bustier, and this genius from alterations named Juanita instructed me to chuck the bustier and let her show me how the dress would work better without a bra. Well, what do you know? She was right. Tight fabric around the ribs = nowhere for the boobs to drop down. Multiple layers of fabric around the bust = firm support. And! And! I was terrified that the dress would be too tight in the belly zone, but it actually drapes nicely, and the dark tulle overlay means zero clinging/bulging action. So I will be able to wear this dress without a bra and without control-top hose (which, if you ask me, are the offspring of the very Devil himself).

• I'm supposed to send my publisher a brief "about the author" squib to go on the Amazon page. You'd think I'd jump right on that, wouldn't you? I've procrastinated for three full weeks already! Maybe I should delegate this task to you, my lovely readers. "When she writes even a simple blog post, she's so damned lazy she just throws everything into a bulleted list of completely unrelated things. Too lazy to make transitions!"


Mignon said...

Despite the Montana State Fair teeth, that is a darling boy.

"Orange is a crossword-crack-ho with good ole horse sense and a head for words. Look out, yo. She does it in pen."

Mona Buonanotte said...

"Orange is strikingly sexy and seductively intelligent. She can kick your ass...and your brain."