Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Oh, spare me!

You know those companies that bowdlerize DVDs, stripping out all the non-G-rated language and sex to make movies more palatable to those viewers whose constitutions are so delicate that they can't confront such things? (And nor can they just live without the movies—hypocrites!) Wasn't there just a court ruling that those "editing" companies are illegally violating the filmmakers' copyright?

I bring this up because we got a phone call at home this evening. Caller ID said "toll-free call," which is rarely anyone I need to speak to. But I wasn't busy at the moment, so I picked up the call. "Cammy from the Dove Foundation" was calling for Mr. Tangerine, whose first name is sort of gender-neutral. I tried to screen her out, but she persisted: "Are they home?" (Have you ever heard someone asking for an individual as "they"? It's new to me.) I said, "They? Who is this 'they' you're looking for?" "Well, may I speak to the lady of the house?" Okay, she had me dead to rights. I'm not technically all that ladylike, I suppose, but I am wearing a skirt.

So Cammy launches into her spiel, trying to drum up fellow travelers for the cause. The Dove Foundation is all about cleaning up that filth that Hollywood puts out so that there's more "family-friendly" entertainment. (Hell, aren't there enough books to pass the time between G-rated movies? Did I miss the part in the Constitution guaranteeing everyone the right to movies and TV that are sanitized for their protection?) Anyway, I couldn't help but laugh as I informed Cammy that she really had the wrong issue for me and no, I wasn't fixated on cleaning up entertainment.

Undeterred, Cammy continued with her blah-blah-blah, so I interrupted (she didn't pause) and hung up. Turns out Mr. Tangerine (the famous "they") had picked up another extension and heard the whole conversation. He thought Cammy must've been a recording because she completely talked over his interjections of "Buenas noches!" (That's his standard line to use when Spanish-speaking survey people call here, as they are wont to do.)

If you're like me—a snarky liberal with a potty-mouth—check out the Dove site and mock it yourself. They deserve your abuse because they have neglected to review Wordplay. Come on, Dove! Tell us if the crossword documentary is family-friendly or not.


Irrelephant said...

I just wanted to applaud your use of the word "snarky." *grin* Being a person of non-specific-political-affiliation (Anarchy! Freedom! Free Chai Lattes!) I try my best not to discuss politics (or sexual preference, or religion, sometimes one and the same) on blog comments, but hey, I'm 100% behind your use of the word and practice of snarkyism.

*scratching my head* Don't think that came out right.

Mona Buonanotte said...

The Dove Foundation can plant a big wet kiss on the lily-white pads of my buttocks.

Laughed at Mr. Tangerine...must try that sometime!

Anonymous said...

That call you described was definitely made by a IVR (Interactive Voice Response) system. It is like talking to a drunk. Do a Google search for "dove foundation" and "do not call" you will get lots of hits. The Missouri Attorney General even got a teporary restraining order against this Grand Rapids, MI non-profit.

Orange said...

Really, anonymous? Then I'm definitely hanging up a lot more abruptly, because "Really, no thank you, I'm not interested" isn't ending these calls. If any of you happen to be human phone-callers and I hang up on you, don't think I'm rude—blame the IVR systems that irk me so.

Or, before I hang up, I'll say things like "Glip glorp bleeble durp" or "Oh, man! What is that funky smell?" or I'll let rip with a monster burp. It won't faze the IVR robot, but it just might amuse me. I wish Ben were still a toddler—an IVR voice could be a great babysitter by occupying a kid for 10 minutes.

Anonymous said...

My sister's strategy for annoying calls is to sing nursery rhymes loudly. A few bars of "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAAAAMB" and poof, they're gone.