Thursday, January 12, 2006

Fear and Loathing in the Brassiere

It seems like a lot of women have mixed feelings about their breasts. They're too small. They're too big. They're too droopy. They're shaped wrong. One's bigger than the other. They garner unwanted attention. They're painful. They're the subject of medical concern, or might turn cancerous. They're tubular. Men don't like them enough, or they like them too much. They changed after pregnancy. They changed after weight gain/loss. They have stretch marks or noticeable veins. They don't function as expected for breastfeeding. Bras don't fit, clothes don't hang right. Nipples are too big, small, flat, protuberant, dark, light, hairy, or inverted. Nipples are too sensitive or not sensitive enough, or they're too obvious when it's chilly.

Me, I’ve got about seven mammary complaints myself. Overall, I’m not dissatisfied with them, but I’m not thrilled either. The best thing I can say about them is that they’re remarkably soft. (No implants here!) And maybe someday I’ll seek a boost from a plastic surgeon (a breast lift, not augmentation).

Women, how content are you with your breasts? Do any of us absolutely love what we’ve got, or do we all have reservations? I never see this topic discussed, but I bet there’s a great deal that goes unsaid.

24 comments:

Molly said...

boy, has my opinion on this topic changed in the last two weeks. Ladies, do not ever let your pediatrician give your nursing infant antibiotics unless it is a dire emergency. Thrush + cracked nipples + teething infant = ungodly searing pain. Now you know.

As to the rest of it, no I've never liked my breasts much, and dislike them now more than ever. But everyone else in the family seems to like them.

DoctorMama said...

Actually, I think my breasts rock. Way too small for some guys, but I don't care, they seem just right to me. I had this confirmed when I got to experience the lactation rack, which I understand inspires some women to undergo augmentation -- I had no interest in keeping it, and not just because it was unwieldy -- it just didn't appeal to me. Still lactating, but they now look pretty much like they did pre-pregnancy.

Itchy said...

Since you left me a comment in regard to this subject, you sorta have an idea how I feel about buying a bra...but I'm about to say something shocking - I've recently realized that I'm pretty OK with my boobs. Sure one is noticeably smaller than the other...but for the most part I like their shape and the size is OK. The size would be better if my rib cage wasn't so large...but that's not my boobs' fault, is it? Nope. So, I've come to terms with my boobs - I just need to find them a few decent bras to hang out in...

Mignon said...

I'm with the good Doc. Mine have always been small and kind of far apart. Quirky tits. That's how I think of them. I'm not a La Leche devotee, but I really value nursing my babes, and it makes me love my boobs, too. In all honesty, they are veiny, stretched and slightly different sizes, but I still love 'em.
My ass, however, ah well. I'm one of those Sir-Mix-A-Lot rapstar girlfriends.

Mona Buonanotte said...

I wish mine migrated north. And didn't look like socks with tangerines in the toes. BUT the kids and my husband are drawn to them, magically, intrinsically, like a Weight Watchers woman to chocolate, so really, it doesn't matter what I want. It's the fact that Boy-child still puts his head on them when we're snuggling on the couch and sighs, and sees if he can still get away with that behaviour. And Girl-child lays her hand on them when I tuck her in at bedtime. And Sergei...well, ya gotta be there!

Candace said...

I used to love mine. The perfect size (for me anyway) and they defied gravity. After 19 months of nursing they now just seem, well, big. I'm starting to try to wean my son and I'm apprehensive about what's going to happen after they deflate.

Stella said...

I like my boobies. I used to be annoyed at myself that I couldn't fit into a lot of cute styles (I'm a 38C, and many nice bras don't go above a 36 band). Now I've changed my thinking. My ta-tas are perfect, dammit! It's the bra companies that ought to be making better stuff for them!

Now, should I ever become pregnant, I'm sure I'll have to develop an entirely new relationship with my breasts, but for now, I like 'em fine.

Stella said...

Ah. Now that I've read the other comments, that reminds me. I suppose if there were one thing I could change about my breasts, I'd set them higher up on my chest. It's not that I'm saggy, it's just that they're set low on my chest. This means that I can never, ever wear those cute little tops or dresses with a band under the bustline, because said band invariably hits me in the middle of my boobs and I look ridiculous. Boo, hiss.

I can rock a wrap top, though!

DoctorMama said...

Those tops seem to hit everybody in the wrong place -- yet they are worn. I don't get it.
Mignon's comment got me interested in something slightly off-topic. My butt is my one problem area post-pregnancy -- but because it SHRANK. Now please don't hate me. I USED to have a sir mix-a-lot butt -- it was my claim to fame. And now I have a white-girl butt. All I can say is, enjoy it for me, Mignon. I truly want it back.

Meh said...

I've had a breast reduction. The best thing I ever did. I hated my breasts before, I used to cry about them. They made me feel so very ugly.

That was 15 years ago.

I like my breasts but they play a very minor role in my life. I dont have much sensation in them, even before the breast reduction. They provide zero sexual stimulation. My husband is not a 'boob man'any way. Instead what they do is fill my tops adequately and not get in my way.

I wasn't able to breast feed, so my breasts have never been of any particular use to me.

They are there, they dont irritate me. I dont love them, I dont hate them. They are just there because I am supposed to have breasts and these do a good enough job of filling that requirement.

My breasts and I live together in uncomplicated peace and harmony.

Seems a bit sad, putting it down like this. I'm not sad about it, the only alternative I know is big breasts, which I hated.

Interesting topic.

V said...

Mine are pretty good. Big enough to be legit, small enough to not cause back problems or attract men with super-size melon fetishes. They did good breastfeeding also, and didn't float too far south.
Tho....I did gat that lovely cracked nipple, infection, delirious pain/fever. But I think it went away. I think....

Midwestern Deadbeat said...

I'm with DocMama and Mignon--small breasts coupled with an ample butt. I like both. Pregnancy has given me my first time out of an A cup, and I don't know that I'd want to go bigger than my current B (with the exception of nursing, of course). Even now, 5 months pregnant, I rarely wear a bra and can sleep on my stomach quite comfortably. What happens post-nursing remains to be seen.

Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said...

My nipple hairs are sexy.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

the nut said...

Ahhh, love this topic since, well, my breats have never had a problem reminding me they existed.

They were a C, then I got pregnant and I went to an F. They deflated shortly after my milk dried up and now I'm a DD. What fun.

I would really like to move them up and shrink them only a little. Like someone said above, cute bras hardly ever seem to come in my size damnit! I want to buy cute bras! I'd also like to be able to wear tank tops that have thin straps but can't because most big breasted bras come with wider straps. They aren't the most attractive I tell you and I'm not one to wear visible bra under tiny top. It just seems gross.

My sister is a B and we joke that we're gonna have some of my fat sucked out and put into hers.

Oh, wearing those tank tops with the built-in bras never ever ever works either. When I used to work out at a gym, I had to wear 2 sports bras to keep them suckers down. Sitting at tables is a pain because my breasts either have to go on the table or under (which means I'm slouching).

Big boobs are not necessarily any fun.

the nut said...

damn, i'm having a very hard time writing the words breasts.

ding said...

the best thing about my breasts is the little beauty mark on my left one. it looks like someone took a black eyeliner pencil, heated it, and just dabbed a dot right on my cleavage. the beauty mark turns me into Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke - except i'm light brown - and in the right circumstance it can lead to some serious flirtage.

but overall what i like about them is that they are smooth, soft, they curve just right, have the right amount of heft, they are the color of a cafe au lait (with a dollop of cinnamon on top); they are incredibly responsive (hee) and on my right nipple, there's a crazy hermit hair that i have to keep plucking every few months.

yay for boobage.

lee said...

Well, I like my rather ample breasts. They held up well to nursing. I weaned my daughter last fall, and they don't seem to be changing for the worse. Mind you, I still wear a 48K bra. My husband, my girlfriend, and our daugther all love them too.

Oh, I thought about breast reductions, mainly because other women told me that I needed one. How hateful is that? Unsolicited, "Hey, you know what you need? Less you!" The only thing more hateful is the people who unsolicited tell me to get gastric bypass surgery.

I did have back aches when I was a teen, but a good round of weight training supervised by the rarest of all creatures, a P. E. teacher who knows what she is doing and cares more about health than any bench marks, built up my back muscles and I have not been plagued with any back pain from them since.

Maine said...

Personally, I love all of your breasts.

JT said...

I'm with The Nut. I'd like mine to be higher, firmer, and just a wee bit smaller. The areolae are insanely large, which bug me, too. I spent a few formative years wearing a 36C and that seemed like the perfect size to me -- big enough but not too big.

Lee, you have my favorite line of the day: "Unsolicited, 'Hey, you know what you need? Less you!'" LMAO!

Cricket said...

Orange,
I am getting back to this post after the boobie ship has sailed, I know. I can't thank you enough for including the tubular / tuberose breast crowd. I wish I could have commented earlier so more of your readers would understand about breast deformities. To answer your question, it is evident how I loathe mine.

Of course, you've read, but for my edification, I'll include my breast rants (or opportunities to promote breast education) links here so I don't have to get all mad all over again in your space. I get a couple dozen hits a day for people seeking info about breast deformities. You'll probably get them now, too. I am doing your counter a big favor now. You owe me. (ha)

Tits, hooters, boobs, boulders, melons, breasts, and ice cream cones
My popular bosom

Anonymous said...

I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 37. I got through it just fine, but now my left boob is about 1/2 cup smaller than the right, because I had to have some tissue removed. I don't mind, though...I tell left booby I love her just the way she is. She's been through a lot. The pep talks help.

Noojes said...

I love my breasts...
I honestly truly do...
They're the best part of me...

noojes

Nancy said...

I loved mine until I got pregnant and went from a B to a D. How big they will get when the milk comes in frighten me to no end. They will be The Boobs That Took Over Manhattan although, since I don't actually live in Manhattan that title will have to be changed.

Anonymous said...

As a man, I have to say that I'm intrigued by how few of the women who posted here talked about how their breasts feel. I think only two did. I guess we men...scratch that--I'll just speak for myself...I guess I've always thought that breasts were more sensual or pleasurable (ah, the imbedded fantasies rear their heads!) or painful than seems to be indicated by these posts. Not sure what I'm saying, but it's just interesting. :)
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