Friday, December 16, 2005

Strange and lovely bedfellows

Top five reasons to share your bed with someone:

5. They warm up the bed on a cold night.
4. There's someone there to turn on the light and kill the imaginary spiders.
3. Spooning/cuddling.
2. Sex.
1. When you stretch while half asleep and get a charleyhorse, they will fix it for you while you holler "Ow ow ow ow ow!"

Top five reasons to sleep alone:

5. Some people steal the covers.
4. Snoring.*
3. Morning breath.
2. Sneak attacks.**
1. Dutch oven and related gaseous events.

*Unless you yourself are the snorer, in which case it's a charming affectation.

**Once, Mr. Tangerine bit me on the shoulder in his sleep. The moral? Don't let a man go to bed hungry.


What's on your lists?

6 comments:

kathie said...

Top five to sleep with someone:
1. you can laugh about bad late night tv with a warm body instead of cold phone.
2. Someone there to get frightening middle of night calls with you.
3. loud farts that make you laugh--not the smelly ones
4. Sex.
5. Someone to immediately tell your wacky dreams to.

Five reasons to sleep alone:
1. no funky sleep smells
2. no one to interrupt your sleep with snoring or bed hogging.
3. no one's alarm wakes you up when you still have hours to sleep.
4. more room.
5. that's all I got...

Orange said...

loud farts that make you laugh? Kathie, I like your style! Do you and the mister compete?

april said...

Top 5 reasons to sleep with someone (in no particular order):
1. Snuggling
2. Morning wake up sex
3. Having someone to eat a before bedtime snack with me so I don't feel like the only pig in the world.
4. Middle of the night sex
5. Late night oral sex sessions

Top 5 reasons to sleep alone (again in no particular order):
1. I don't have to hit the snooze button for anyone other than myself.
2. Not sticking to my husband due to his profuse sweating during his sleep.
3. Not having my husband prevent me from falling asleep by biting his nails so annoyingly.
4. Being able to masturbate in the mornings without being bothered by my husband.
5. Not having to smell his stinky farts. (They don't make me laugh) =)

By the way, I've really enjoyed reading your comments on Maine's site, so I thought I'd stop by! I'm glad I did because you're a funny shit! =)

Stella said...

Sigh. This post just makes me realize how patient my boyfriend is. Apparently I snore loudly (my niece corroborates this assertion), and if he nudges me to try to get me to stop, I whack him in retaliation. Poor Dave.

The Assimilated Negro said...

I'll take sex, spoon, and warming up the bed off the pro list. but don't think any other reasons are good enough. I go with April and fill out the rest via sex at various times of the day/night.

I'm also with April on the snooze button as a reason to sleep alone.

now i'm still jsut reading April's comment since she's having sex in the morning, middle of the night, AND masturbating without being bothered by the husband. now that's a hot mama for you. If she has a rack and editing skills you might be in trouble orange.

Corinne said...

no rank ordering, reasons to sleep alone:
1. more room for books in bed
3. being able to stay in bed when i wake up insanely early
4. no one to make fun of you for your hair in the morning
5. no one accuses me of stealing covers

reasons to sleep with someone
1. wake-up sex, cuddling, etc
2. someone to read a book to
3. late night laughing and crying
4. midnight snacks of another nature
5. it's always easier to face the world as a team