Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Exquisite Car

A week ago, Ben and I lunched on Giordano's Chicago-style stuffed pizza with a friend from out of town. It was such a treat to have another adult around on a weekday, providing cover for ordering a beer with lunch. Drinking alone with a kid just seems wrong, but it's so very civilized to have a drink at mealtime.

Ben, being six, is a teetotaler, so he drank ice water. When he'd finished his water, out of boredom or thirst, he walked over to the restaurant host to ask for more water, please. The host was so charmed, he gave Ben a gift: an Exquisite Car ("All Styles Are Wonderful!") emblazoned with the restaurant's logo. The car's a Smart car (neat!) that blasts loud music (grr!), and it came in a box rich in incomprehensibility (oh, sweet pleasure!). To wit:

"The both sides's car door can successively beat the on and off to shut"

Not clear enough? Maybe an illustration will help:

There are ample safety warnings in languages including broken German (wow! an umlaut on an E!) and Itkflian:

Not to mention a red warning box in English, with 10 lines of text packed within a 0.5x0.75-inch space:

In addition to a "Function Explain" diagram, there was also this clear illustration:

I have yet to witness this "bump up and go" business, and frankly, I'm disappointed. I was hoping to learn how to bump up and go.


DoctorMama said...

That's awesome. That definitely cheered me up.

Mona Buonanotte said...

"Ancestor for action" is my favourite line!

Ben is one smart, charming boy!

Cricket said...

What kind of batteries does it take? Supercharged for superior bumping?

Orange said...

Cricket, I think you may be thinking of the Rabbit Pearl.

Lucky Star said...

That is the kind of thing that makes my day!! Not the kindness of a stranger, nope. Screw that. The horrific grammar!!!

Cricket said...

Thanks, Orange. I always forget which vehhicle goes where. I'll put a plug in for hybrids, too.

Orange said...

"Put a plug in"?

jp 吉平 said...

delightful! Will Ben will let me borrow the car?

NotSoccer Mom said...

hysterical! yup, when you have a little boy, you end up with some weird toys these days. i know, mine is 7yo.

Anonymous said...

That reminded me of some hilarious party invitations I picked up at a 100Y store when I was in Japan a few years ago, which read:

Don't you join our party?
Let's enjoy together!
Warning: no life guard on duty.drink at your own risk.
Shall we enjoy fantastical night together with this pop music, delicious dishes, nice drees [sic] and many striking beauties around you? Don't you feel terrific power in this atmosphere, we have enough time? Tonight if you have the sloshing time, I'm sorry, phone your mother, it's OK!"

I still haven't found an appropriate occasion to use them for, but their time will come! :( However, I have used my "Potato Club" and "Turnip Club" chopsticks on numerous occasions.

Anonymous said...

O K I've been looking for these Exquisite cars for years. I had bought one in Italy on a cruise we went on 4 years ago. A vendor was selling them just before you embark on the ship. For 4 bucks , I thought pretty cute !! should have bought 10 of them !! They are cool !!! And quite a hit. BEEP, BEEP !!!!!!!!!!!