Sunday, November 04, 2007

Oy, the squirrels

When I was a teenager, my dad loathed squirrels. He bought a lot of bird seed to fill his squirrel-proof bird feeders, and those pesky squirrels managed to outfox human engineering every time. The first time I truly understood the Fear and Loathing of Squirrels was three years ago, at Flea's son's birthday party.

Then last year, a squirrel chewed through the screen of my kitchen door and had a freakout when Ben discovered him. (I now know what squirrel poop looks like.) I had a freakout myself, of course. This summer, another squirrel came through the kitchen door. Squirrels have gnawed through the hard plastic below the windshield of my car. A week ago, after a window had inadvertently been left open a few inches, Ben and I went out to the car and found a squirrel wandering about the vehicle's interior.

We know squirrels have a taste for acorns, nuts, bird seed, and bread products. They also like to get their vitamin A, it seems, as they like to nosh on jack-o-lanterns.

Exhibit A: Jack-o-lantern on Halloween. It has been outside for less than six hours. One eye socket and one tooth have been nibbled, and the "lid" is missing.


Exhibit B: Jack-o-lantern on November 2, after 48 hours of squirrel exposure. It looks like the jack-o-lantern is a heavy meth user. Every tooth is gone, and the lips, such as they were, have been chewed off. A squirrel neurosurgeon appears to have performed a frontal lobotomy.

7 comments:

Narya said...

That is both sad and funny. I had no ideas squirrels were that invasive! I mean, the occasional chimney, yeah, but your CAR? And who knew they liked pumpkin?

B.E.C.K. said...

Ech! That gives me the creeps. We live near a lake, and when we bring any sort of food to a picnic table there, the squirrels come right up to our feet and freak out my son (and I have to eat while stomping my feet frequently). Of course, when I showed your photos to my son just now, he just shrugged and said, "Pumpkins taste good." ;^)

Charlie said...

BUT! That is the best jack-o-lantern I have seen this year.

The squirrels around my apartment aren't nearly as industrious. I left our pumpkin outside and nothing whatsoever happened to it. Which was good, I suppose, because the kids were *very* concerned about someone coming along and smashing it. But I see that I am digressing. ;)

Psycho Kitty said...

OMG! Stop making me laugh during my conference calls! Bwaha!

Did I tell you about the Fat Squirrel that chased us when the Boy was little? Or the time I visited my friend in DC and a whole parked was roped off because of Attack Squirrels?

God, I love those crazy little rodents.

ding said...

my philosophy professor was eating lunch on the grass and a squirrel hopped up looking cute.

my prof decided to offer a piece of his sandwich - then pulled it back and took a bite. he did it again - held it out, pulled it back and took a bite. he repeated this a few times and then the squirrel jumped on his face.

Psycho Kitty said...

BWAHAAA!
This has been the most joyful thread EVER!

amusing said...

Squirrels have attacked our pumpkins like that in the past -- always freaks the kids out.

And this year, they have chewed a hole into the attic, and are attempting to consume the rest of the house. They are trying to eat the kitchen and the porch, from the roof down....

Grrrrr....