You know some Mexican restaurants tout "burritos as big as your head"? No, no, no. That won't do. It's too one-size-fits-all. People want food that's customized for the individual.
That's why we're introducing a boffo new concept to the food-service industry: Burritos As Big As Your Penis™. No two burritoes the same! Our trained staff use sanitized calipers and rulers—pre-warmed for your comfort!—to get your exact dimensions. Your measurements are sent to the kitchen via our computerized order-management system, and your burrito is lovingly hand-made to match. Order as many as you like.
For speedier service on return visits, become a Burritos As Big As Your Penis™ Member. Your measurements are stored electronically on your Member card, and you get your card pierced for every burrito you buy. For every five piercings you earn a bottomless soft drink and when you have ten piercings, you may choose to upgrade your burrito size.
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