Thursday, January 18, 2007

Smitten

Everybody's favorite South African blogger, Tertia, has decided to copy me and write about cyber-crushes. She linked to me and has a zillion readers, so this blog got hundreds of new visitors yesterday. And not one of them left a comment! Either they don't know what Tertia sees in me, or they're just shy. If you're one of those people, don't be shy! (Unless you don't like me, in which case, feel free to remain in your Cave of Reticence.)

The topic got me thinking: I know what sort of women I'm drawn to in Blogtopia. Intelligence, mad writing skillz, a finely honed comic sensibility, liberal politics, a feminist bent, and a pissy attitude are all things that make me think, "Hey, I'd be friends with her in real life." But what sort of men do I like?

Basically, the most crushable men possess the same traits. But if a man shows signs of homophobia, that's a huge turnoff. The men who feel compelled to defend themselves against any hint that they might be gay? The men who wigged out about Brokeback Mountain not because it was, at heart, a chick flick, but because it featured men in love? The men who get a little too aggressive proving their "whoo, I like boobies" straight-man credentials? You can have them all.

I will take the ones who are honestly flattered if they get hit on by a gay man. Who aren't made nervous by the sight of men holding hands. Who take their son to the Pride Parade each June (as Mr. Tangerine does). Who are completely at ease with gayness in all its splendor and ordinariness. (And this doesn't mean they have a fondness for woman-on-woman porn. That's altogether different.) Who teach their children by example that homosexuality is nothing to deride, fear, or get into a tizzy about. Who aren't frightened that metrosexual grooming habits will make them "look gay."

Women who like men and men who like men may prefer different body types (tall, not tall, lean, muscular, dark-haired, blond, yadda yadda yadda) and different personality traits (macho, sensitive, funny, responsible, romantic, etc.). Does anyone else include "lack of homophobia" as a criterion for hotness in straight men, or is it just me?

23 comments:

Silene said...

I am one of those lured here by Tertia's link, because I figure if she sees something crushable here then I might as well visit. And, yes, I was bullied into leaving a comment by your first paragraph. At least you know your words are having some effect...

And relevant to your "zit" post, I am all over that Tea Tree Oil Touchstick, too, and have been for over a year since I, too, bailed on the Burt's Bees version (ick). Tea Tree Oil seriously rocks.

DoctorMama said...

I think they're all just shy.

I don't think I ever formally articulated this as a prerequisite, but it's certainly one of the many qualities I appreciate in Mr. DoctorMama. Yeah, I guess it would rule someone out as a potential crush if they were homophobic. (There's a certain "protest too much" aspect about it, too.)

I thought every straight man liked woman-on-woman action? At least, that's what most pornography would lead one to believe.

Mignon said...

It's just you baby. You freak. What are you, some kind of homophile?

Actually, I'd boil your single criteria down to a more general trait: security. As in, not insecure. I love a dude that's all right with himself. Unfortunately this leads to pleated-front pants and mixing grey and brown sportcoat/pants. But I'd take those offenses any day over some (gorgeous) sad sack spewing hate or bravado.

But, otherwise, yeah. Your girl-on-girl crush criteria is right on. Plus black hair helps. I like black hair.

Mona Buonanotte said...

"Lack of homophobia" for me is wrapped up in the man-package under personality and 'coolness'.

BTW, I was disappointment in Brokeback Mountain...it wasn't sexy ENOUGH. C'mon, I likes me a little guy-on-guy action, and they just teased. TEASED. Bah.

I second Mignon...I like women with black hair.

meno said...

Homophobe, racist. Those are pretty much immediate turn-offs.

I don't really get crushes on women very often. Probably because I am not gay, i'm not, no, really, despite my shoes.

Well there was that one woman when i was 17....

baggage said...

I agree!! Oh, and I also agree on the scene and Ricky Bobby. HILARIOUS.

Um, so hi. I'm here to agree apparently.

leslie said...

General non-bigotry without making a fetish of how non-bigoted one is is essential as far as I'm concerned. feminist - definitely.

Epiphany Alone said...

I just quietly added you to my bookmarks. I'm not shy, I'm socially inept.

I like that about my husband. He's worked in theatre his whole life, so being approached by men who are attracted is pretty commonplace.

cheesefairy said...

I came via Tertia, too. I love the colour orange but not for wearing. I, too, quietly bookmarked you.

Homophobic men (and women) are not sexy. I have helped several friends who displayed sudden, horrifying homophobia (of the ignorant-but-not-yet-hateful variety) by mocking them until they saw how stupid they were being. "Yeah, he's totally looking at your ass. Because your ass is so awesome it makes up for how obviously straight you are. Get over yourself."

E. said...

Yes, homophobia in a man is a huge turn-off. Actually, in any potential friend it would be off-putting. But in a potential partner, it's a deal-breaker. Men who are not secure in their own masculinity are not attractive.

Mona, I must say I disagree about Brokeback. I thought things got pretty damned hot up there.

Orange said...

Welcome and hello, silene!

DoctorMama, straight men may enjoy woman-on-woman porn, but it doesn't earn them any points toward their Anti-homophobic Certification.

Mignon, I forgot to list "no pleated pants in the current millennium" as a criterion, but I will concede that the overriding security issue outweighs fashion (or lack thereof). I am sad to report that I have brown hair.

Mona, I thought there would be more acute yearning in Brokeback, and maybe more naked-man cuddling.

Meno, you wear lesbian footwear? What is that? Do my Merrells qualify, or do I have to advance to Birkenstocks?

Baggage, I do not object to people speaking up merely to agree with me. Random bits of praise are also fine.

Leslie: Yup. (Cool artwork!)

Epiphany, you're not socially inept. You're quite charming!

Cheesefairy, I enjoyed your popcorn observations.

e., yes, secure in their own masculinity, whatever their Masculinity Quotient may be. Did you know I got quoted in the Trib about the hotness of the man-on-man action in Brokeback? So did another blogger I know.

leslie said...

thanks orange!

-L

Scott from Oregon said...

I didn't come via South Africa, I came via Colorado. I was poking into Nancy Dancehall's links with my fat fingers...

I used to be one of those young guys that gay men drooled over. I have never been gay, so the whole thing was an odd amusement for me and sometimes a nuisance. Tall, blue-eyed, dark hair. I guess that is the gay version of the big breasted blonde...

Being a honophobe just shows your character. If you are a homophobe, what else are you? The extrapolations one can make will spin you into ugly human territory.

V's Herbie said...

In one of those wonderful moments of internet synergy, you wrote about the guys obsessed with boobies, and I was pointed to their theme song. I present Boobs a lot. Campy, catchy tune and, as my friend said, an excelent song for dancing in your panties at 4 in the morning.

And I'm sorry if this goes up more than once blogger is being odd.

Feral Mom said...

Oh, Mignon. Stop it. You drive me crazy. In a good way. My cyber crushes (besides the lovely, pro-black haired women Mignon) include Jul of thumbscre.ws and Steve of the Sneeze. To whip smart writing, lefty/feminist sensibilities and comfort with one's sexuality, I would only add self-deprecating sense of humor (Mignon, Jul) and the willingness to eat dog treats for the material as my bloggy "turn ons" (Steve). And of course, there's Bobita, but I think we're on our way to becoming friends.

Orange said...

"Steve, Don't Eat It" is a classic. Here at Casa Tangerine, we return again and again to the imagery from the piece on natto, "fermented-on-purpose soybeans from Japan." What happened when Steve ate natto? "The entire experience is difficult to describe, but if you can remember back to the very first time you made out with a hobo's ass, it's a lot like that." (And this is why I can never own the kind of purse called a hobo bag.)

Orange said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mignon said...

Feral. Are you saying this crazy romance we have going will be ruined by our friendship? Because that's not how it works in my manual. And you have black hair? I guess I knew that, by way of your nostriles.

Orange, you don't have black hair? Ah, well. My brain uses photoshop in the bedroom already anyway...

Mignon said...

Oh. I should add - in Montana they're nahs-trials. Nostriles. Really.

JT said...

ROTFL: "Probably because I am not gay, i'm not, no, really, despite my shoes."

I wear big ugly black Merrills and I'm not gay, either. I'm just old enough to figure there's enough pain in the world, and I don't need to add to it by wearing stillettos.

Orange, your post makes me realize I don't have any cyberguy crushes! What's wrong with me? I don't think I regularly read any guy blogs. Oops. Someone point me to a few and I'll check 'em out. My cybergal crushes are obviously you (*blush*), Flea, Jen Weiner, Mimi, and various other cool chicks like us. And my criteria are the same as yours -- which, I guess, is why I'm so glad we've gotten to hang out IRL.

Ditto on the non-homophobe thing in men. To me, it's part & parcel of being an accepting, warm, and menschy human being. I didn't set out to find someone who wasn't homophobic (and to be honest, DH isn't the most comfortable with gay male sexuality), but I'd never couple up with a guy who discriminated against someone who was of a different sexuality, gender, race, etc.

Sadye Spirit said...

I too was lured here by Tertia's blog, of whom I am a regular follower. This idea of blog crushes is interesting, and I had never thought about it before. I started reading & blogging about twins once my boys were born, so the idea of a crush was not really a factor.

As to the crushable men and homophobia question, I agree. Homophobia is a HUGE turn off. People can love without regard to gender, and in my opinion to believe attraction in the same sex is in anyway repulsive or objectionable is just outdated, like segregation. Be flattered that you are attractive, no matter who it comes from!

ding said...

i've long had a girl-crush on Bitch; i've gotten tingly about Figleaf (him and his flannel!); and, of course, my cyber love for Orange is unquestioned.

but yes, if any straight guy leaks any sort of anti-gay, misogynist or racist thing, he's outta there. no dawdling, no dithering. just - 'euww, you're disgusting. get away from me.'

a girl friend recently revealed that one of her ex boyfriends had some issues with black people and i secretly wondered why she stayed with him as long as she had.

mamalujo1 said...

After reading the first part of this post I knew I had to comment. I've gone through my own little fits about commenting, so I could relate to your wonderment at all the visits but no comments. I've been here before and should have commented too, so here goes.

Then the next thing that caught my eye was the stuff about blog crushes. I've got my own, and it seems like they're mostly the same kind of female bloggers that you like (and that I'm finding you are, as well).

Finally, in case you go back and read some earlier posts of mine, and one in particular about getting hit on by a guy, and decide I'm a homophobe, I'd just like to say that there is a right way for someone to hit on you and a wrong way. And, I'm really really shy. I've been hit on by women and gotten pretty uncomfortable about it. I don't like to be hit on, at least not obviously so. Guys are really like bulls in china shops when it comes to making an advance, and that's what I don't care for.

So, maybe I'm crushing a bit on you? I need to read more.