Saturday, September 24, 2005
Need a laugh? Yes! You do!
This is the funniest piece of writing I've seen in a month. Or maybe two months. Or three. To tempt you, I will say only that it's about the Mormon guidelines for youths who like to touch themselves, and Francis makes many incisive and entertaining comments. You'll love it!
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5 comments:
Ha! This is awesome.
My favorite is the part where, to avoid masturbating, one is advised to go to the kitchen to make a snack, EVEN if it's the middle of the night. EVEN if you aren't hungry. (Yeah, right!) EVEN if you are worried about gaining weight. (Who me, worried?) You know, I'm all for masturbation, but sometimes it's just too much goddamn work. That's when I reach for a snack. Because I am also pro-snack. Make it an ice cream, and perhaps these Mormons and I can find some common ground...
Speaking of ice cream, I'll go get some now. I was going to jack off, but then Orange typed "douchebag" and now I'm no longer in the mood to touch myself.
This reminds me of the section in What to Expect The First Year where someone poses the question, "When I'm diapering my baby, he sometimes gets an erection. Am I handling his penis too much?" and they answer, "As long as you're handling his penis only as much as it needs to be handled to be cleansed ... you're not handling it too much." So of course now we can't resist occasionally tickling the baby's scrotum to watch his cremaster reflex and saying, "I think this might be more handling than strictly necessary!"
"In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act."
And I used to wonder how people develop odd fetishes.
HA!
When NBC puts all those hot people on "Fear Factor," aren't they worried about mingling sex appeal with horror? Are they creating a generation of people with hissing cockroach fetishes, or liver-frappe fetishes?
I did love it, I did!! I have been rather anti-social lately, and probably didn't even properly thank you, but I am here now, and that's all that counts. or something. yeah, that was priceless...
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