When I was a tween, I was fond of this thin paperback from the youth section of the local library, a book about the Bermuda triangle and other specious creepy phenomena. (Ghosts, spontaneous human combustion, all that.) I don't think I ever believed that these things were true, but I was magnetically drawn to these eerie tales.
Now, a story even more unbelievable has happened to me. What you are about to read...is true. You may be skeptical, but I swear to you, it really occurred—and twice.
Five years ago, I wanted a super-effective form of birth control, so I decided to get the Mirena IUD. My insurance company said it wasn't covered, but I figured the cost would be no greater than the five-year cost of the Pill. So I charged the fee to my credit card, and submitted it to my flexible spending account for reimbursement. "We won't pay this until you've submitted it to your insurance company," they said. Fine, I said, and I asked the doctor's office to submit the claim. In a truly mysterious occult fashion, the insurance company sent me a check because the IUD was covered. (Spooky!)
Fast-forward to summer 2008. It's been five years and the Mirena is reaching the end of its lifespan. The doctor's office informs me that they will first ask my insurance company whether the IUD is covered, and I have to wait for their answer to schedule my appointment. The answer comes back within a week: No. Not covered.
Okay, fine, I figured as much. So I scheduled my appointment, planning to self-pay. The day came. I took the bus downtown, and walked a couple blocks to the office building. Little did I know (cue dramatic music) what was about to happen.
—[NC-17 rating on the ensuing gore. Key words: embedded, extra clinician needed, angry cervix, cold hard steel dilator, cramping, blood and gore.]—
So I waited with only the mildest sense of foreboding. Probably the insurance company's explanation of benefits would say "not covered," and the doctor's office would soon mail me a bill. I would pay the bill, and my soul would not be rattled.
And then (cue dramatic music again) the insurance company sent word that it has paid the doctor's practice some $900 for a device and service it had said were not covered.
It is a more unbelievable turn of events than an alien abduction, yes, but I swear to you that everything I have attested to is absolutely true.