tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post116956699515137220..comments2023-10-26T14:01:08.426+03:30Comments on Orange Tangerine: "Why don't you just adopt?"Orangehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12433254398377357737noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-89068735508085004072012-06-25T06:15:06.509+04:302012-06-25T06:15:06.509+04:30If someone wants to use their monetary resources t...If someone wants to use their monetary resources to pursue IVF, that is their money and their business.<br /><br />Nobody is obligated to adopt, as harsh as that may sound. <br /><br />For those of you who judge, why don't you adopt yourselves instead of telling other people to do it. There are always better ways to spend your time, than judging a group of people that you feel should be Janhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03469446147426159902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-20422529471642918832012-04-29T03:00:01.084+04:302012-04-29T03:00:01.084+04:30It Seems every topic in the world has it's iss...It Seems every topic in the world has it's issues, breast feeding vs. non breast feeding, Abortion, The choice to reproduce, etc. There will always someone trying to tell you why what they believe is the true way. I am a young married woman who has never wanted children of my own, but does want a family. I hope to adopt someday. I have no idea whether I am fertile or not (if I had to guess Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-81052678403481149712010-07-24T06:14:27.331+04:302010-07-24T06:14:27.331+04:30The key is that women should support eachother rat...The key is that women should support eachother rather than tearing eachother down. <br /><br />This applies to more areas than reproduction.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15844319222032025685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-40273445790727023832010-03-08T07:31:34.398+03:302010-03-08T07:31:34.398+03:30Don't pursue adoption, that's my advice. Y...Don't pursue adoption, that's my advice. You may have to wait years to get a child. I think its better to do infertility treatments. There are also too many foreign adoption scams going on. Many children are kidnapped and sold to orphanages. I would never adopt internationally because I feel it contributes to this problem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-38332723807211669372009-11-23T01:31:22.824+03:302009-11-23T01:31:22.824+03:30This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-53601687020333866392009-06-30T09:27:26.011+04:302009-06-30T09:27:26.011+04:30Thanks for the great posting and subsequent discus...Thanks for the great posting and subsequent discussion here. Dealing with infertility is so hard as it is without "why don't you" comments. I've found it so hard to put into words how these comments make me feel, but reading many of the comments here helps me get to some clarity. Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-34504723549585042002009-06-26T06:29:50.651+04:302009-06-26T06:29:50.651+04:30In my experience, any advice that starts with the ...In my experience, any advice that starts with the phrase "Why don't you just..." is pretty much guaranteed to be unhelpful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-38347093761047137942009-06-25T17:55:28.127+04:302009-06-25T17:55:28.127+04:30It'd sure be nice to see women supporting each...<i>It'd sure be nice to see women supporting each other in their own reproductive journeys instead of judging each other for having too many kids, or too few kids, or needing an abortion, or needing infertility treatments, or whatever the hell decisions we each make.</i><br /><br />YES! We all need to stop doing this to each other. Each woman makes her decisions for her own reasons, and Anitanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-35646175750210841372009-06-25T03:27:53.435+04:302009-06-25T03:27:53.435+04:30one of each said:
Why not pursue both at the same ...one of each said:<br /><i>Why not pursue both at the same time?</i><br /><br />In some cases (maybe not all) you are asked to disclose during the adoption process whether you get pregnant, and it can affect the outcome of the process, especially if your child and the child you were/are wanting to adopt will be very close to the same age.<br /><br />Pursuing both is not simple, just as any other Alexishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15019989788721036349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-33537797026340056372009-06-25T02:31:41.273+04:302009-06-25T02:31:41.273+04:30I'm a Salon reader who just today read this po...I'm a Salon reader who just today read this post. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that we should be having a pissing contest about whether adoption, IVF, or bio conception is "better." All people who want kids are selfish. All people who don't want kids are selfish, too. So what? My husband and I are not infertile but we are adopting, it was always our choice to raise a Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-52367071762976419542009-06-25T00:19:59.709+04:302009-06-25T00:19:59.709+04:30I will admit that it's hard to listen to peopl...I will admit that it's hard to listen to people complaining about secondary infertility (difficulty conceiving ANOTHER child after you have one). Because I have NOTHING to show for my struggles, I can't see why they can't count their blessings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-8563565657815924822009-06-25T00:04:32.483+04:302009-06-25T00:04:32.483+04:30Long story short: you don't need anyone's ...Long story short: you don't need anyone's permission to try fertility treatments. The only kind of scrutiny you'll undergo is for medical fitness to handle the treatments and the potential pregnancy.<br /><br />Adoption requires the permission of various government agencies, which put you through months of paperwork, interviews, inspections, financial scrutiny, etc. In a domestic Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-34018280412521017232009-06-25T00:02:15.557+04:302009-06-25T00:02:15.557+04:30Two thoughts;
My spouse and I, after 1 successful ...Two thoughts;<br />My spouse and I, after 1 successful pregnancy, a few years of unsuccessful attempts and one miscarriage, decided adoption was the right choice for us. Yes it is a lot of work and time consuming, but not necessarily more so than a regimen of fertility treatments. <br />My sister-in-law was told as a young woman that she would have difficulty getting pregnant. He gynecologist one_of_eachnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-59744666733054576032008-10-06T19:41:00.000+03:302008-10-06T19:41:00.000+03:30As someone who was diagnosed with endometriosis 2 ...As someone who was diagnosed with endometriosis 2 years ago and has tried 3 IUI and now about to try IVF, I find it extremely HURTFUL when someone says "Why don't you just adopt." I find it extremely insensitive to ask that question. I just want to turn around and ask the same question, Why don't you just adopt instead of having your own children. If you have your own children, you have no ideaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-65621495249893079482008-08-04T08:34:00.000+04:302008-08-04T08:34:00.000+04:30As someone who has been adopted, I can say that I ...As someone who has been adopted, I can say that I do wonder why people don't want to adopt. My parents adopted me in their 40's, and had two previous biological before me. Some people were concerned about their age but it didn't stop the adoption from going through. It took 4 years to finalize but I was under their care the whole time. I still remember when they all signed the final paperwork. OfAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-36720467364050254872008-01-30T10:02:00.000+03:302008-01-30T10:02:00.000+03:30I think some Foster Kids would have a lot to say a...I think some Foster Kids would have a lot to say about this debate. While I would never say it to someone out loud, I think anyone who has a baby today is selfish. Saying that adoption is "time consuming and difficult" and that those are valid reasons to avoid it - that is horrid. Private adoption is not the only rout and it is, in fact a crappy thing, as it contributes to overpopulation. Does Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-7560902319418025982007-03-15T06:22:00.000+03:302007-03-15T06:22:00.000+03:30Most of the people who ask "why don't you just ado...Most of the people who ask "why don't you just adopt" are people who have not adopted children themselves. They are hypocrites.<BR/>Its also not their place to tell someone else how to create their family. Whether I adopt or not, is between me and my husband. Nobody else has the right to tell us how to create our family. We all should respect privacy of others.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169695887638037282007-01-25T07:01:00.000+03:302007-01-25T07:01:00.000+03:30Ajay -- didn't mean to make you feel guilty for ma...Ajay -- didn't mean to make you feel guilty for making me feel guilty... ;-)<BR/><BR/>Amy -- the more I think about it, the more I think the minimization of it all is truly the heart of it. A dear friend went through infertility hell a few years back (believe me -- I can't even begin to describe the hideous medical issues, much less the emotional ones!). As she waded through all the potential Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169662339707320302007-01-24T21:42:00.000+03:302007-01-24T21:42:00.000+03:30That last paragraph...right on, sistah.That last paragraph...right on, sistah.Mona Buonanottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809435868294190789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169658648427677622007-01-24T20:40:00.000+03:302007-01-24T20:40:00.000+03:30Sorry, di. I wasn't meaning to make anyone feel gu...Sorry, di. I wasn't meaning to make anyone feel guilty. I was just responding to the "don't feel shy" in the previous post.<BR/><BR/>Orange, I think you may have nailed the difference. I'm an "I don't know" veering ever closer to wanting to have kids. One of the things that is killing me about changing my mind is knowing that all those obnoxious people who said, "You're young, you'll change your Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169657532212399392007-01-24T20:22:00.000+03:302007-01-24T20:22:00.000+03:30Hi, this is the Amy who wrote the original comment...Hi, this is the Amy who wrote the original comment.<BR/><BR/>I have to say that it bugs the crap out of me when people don't respect the decisions of those who say they don't want kids. "You'll change your mind"...uh, no. Not everybody changes their mind. It's funny how nobody says that to somebody who does want kids! "Oh, you want children? Just wait, you'll change your mind." Why can't weAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169641478942177772007-01-24T15:54:00.000+03:302007-01-24T15:54:00.000+03:30Okay, as someone who finds her way here all thhe t...Okay, as someone who finds her way here all thhe time and hardly ever leaves a comment, I now feel sufficiently guilted by Ajay's comment above to leave a comment. (I don't want to be one of *those* people either....)<BR/><BR/>Anyway, really great comments by Amy -- thanks for posting. I missed it on BPhD's thread and you prompted me to go back and give it a read. REproduction is such a stickyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169604611561084142007-01-24T05:40:00.000+03:302007-01-24T05:40:00.000+03:30C., two of my four closest friends have never want...C., two of my four closest friends have never wanted kids. Not when they were 20, not when they were 30, and not at their current age of 39. I suspect it's one of those core traits that remains the same throughout life—"I know I want kids" and "I know I don't want kids" seem ironclad. (It's the "I don't know" folks who might change their mind someday.)Orangehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12433254398377357737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169582371702001462007-01-23T23:29:00.000+03:302007-01-23T23:29:00.000+03:30Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I am not inferti...Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I am not infertile (as far as I know) but am a woman who does not want to have children. I have just stopped letting my reproductive decision known because I am so tired of defending it. I have known for a very, very long time and now at 32 I still know that I dont want children of my own. I can not stand hearing "you will change your mind, you are young." When iAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11109864.post-1169576865647325722007-01-23T21:57:00.000+03:302007-01-23T21:57:00.000+03:30I'm glad to see you re-posted that comment. It's w...I'm glad to see you re-posted that comment. It's wonderful. And now that I've found your site (thanks to your comments at a little pregnant) I'm going to wander a bit. <BR/><BR/>Just wanted to not be one of those people who don't comment when they find their way here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com